Goat’s Cheese Mac ‘n’ Cheese – Make America Grate Again.

 

Americans, you have lost your way. Dark forces have taken over your once great land. The US of A has fallen foul of deception and now operates to low, low standards. This is not an alternative fact. This is reality and you had better get used to it. Yes, Americans, by and large, you no longer make your own Mac ‘n’ Cheese! You buy packets of stuff and reconstitute it. Revitalising the constitution is something that you may have to do very soon. So keep your reconstituting for matters political. Keep it out of the kitchen. 

It looks to me as if you need help in getting back your standards. So, here’s a technique that will trump any fake recipes. Look at my ingredients photo. The ingredients go all the way back past the sink, near the fridge, into the utility room and up against the wall (not THAT wall, my kitchen wall). Other ingredients in previous recipes only cover part of the island unit. This is a great recipe. This is a bigger recipe than any before.

Goat's cheese mac and cheese (1 of 12)

There’s way more ingredients than you might think. Look at how far back it goes.

Goat’s Cheese Mac ‘n’ Cheese Ingredients

  • 250 grammes of Macaroni
  • 100 grammes of hard goat’s cheese
  • 100 grammes of parmesan cheese
  • 100 grammes of bacon lardons
  • 2 or 3 shallots
  • 100 grammes of flour
  • 100 grammes of butter
  • 250 ml of milk
  • A handful of chives
  • Salt and pepper
  • A bottle of medium red wine to dull the pain

Side note on winning. Last year, I won the Blog Awards Ireland Best Food Blog. I would have won every other category by popular vote if illegal immigrants had not voted. That is a fact.

The goat’s cheese (I used Killeen) cheese is great. Grate the cheese.

Goat's cheese mac and cheese (5 of 12)

When you are half done, grate again, yes, great again.

Side note on cheese funding: I paid for this recipe on my own. I did not receive any donations from any other source. I am immensely wealthy and have a vast cheese budget. I am a successful businessman and pay all my cheese suppliers. I do not threaten them with non payment and I have never offered my business partners 40c on the $ or try to bankrupt them. That is a fact.  

Boil a large pot of water and cook the macaroni (I suggest you go out and buy the macaroni and the parmesan quickly. They are Italian and I hear you will not be importing anything from Italy, or anywhere else, very soon).

Goat's cheese mac and cheese (3 of 12)

Even in this turbulent age, I have time for a pouring shot.

Drain and reserve.

Slice the shallots and fry them with the lardons. Make a roux. In fact, don’t make a roux. That is French and I would consider it un-American. Make a rue. You will rue many things over the coming months.

Goat's cheese mac and cheese (6 of 12)

The roux binds the ingredients together. Imagine being bound together. How un-American is that these days?

The rue (roux) is made by gently melting the butter in a saucepan and slowly adding the flour. Next add the milk, a little at a time. Then add the cheeses. Use all the goat, only use half the Parmesan. Then add the shallots, lardons and chopped chives.

Goat's cheese mac and cheese (7 of 12)

Stir things up to get them integrated. The opposite of what happens in politics.

Add the macaroni, season and stir to incorporate.

Goat's cheese mac and cheese (8 of 12)

The sauce sticks to the macaroni like a politician sticks to a convenient truth, whatever that happens to be.

Turn out the mixture into a baking dish and sprinkle with the remaining Parmesan cheese.

Goat's cheese mac and cheese (1 of 1)

My hand is close to the lens in this shot. It looks bigger than it is. I have normal sized hands. Normal, not small.

Side note on turning out: It is a lot easier to turn out a cheesy pasta than it might be to turn out the millions of ‘Illegals’ that do the laundry, cooking, gardening and car washing. 

Bake the dish for 30 minutes at 200ºC (400ºF). Then serve with some nice red wine. None of that Californian stuff. They are probably going to leave the Union!

Goat's cheese mac and cheese (12 of 12)

This is delicious and will unify you in your praise for Mac ‘n’ Cheese.

I was very happy with this dish. It was the most popular dish I’ve ever created. Thousands of people said it was excellent. Everybody loved it. I was so pleased with it, I donated $1,000,000 through my charitable foundation. That’s the truth. It’s a fact. I hope this doesn’t grate with you. America will be great again. In the meantime, grate some cheese….

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Latest comments
  • Despite your abnormally large hands, this post cracked me up and I would climb any wall (no matter how high) to get me a portion. Love me some goats cheese.

  • Hilarious and delicious! You’ll be the first Irishman to be banned by Trump 🙂

      • No doubt it was considerably better than a Kraft Dinner!

  • You just made my day …. thank you Conor. Oh and the macaroni cheese looks fabulous … I am now hungry and it isn’t even lunchtime yet!

  • Conor, you are a very naughty man. Wickedly observant, an excellent extractor of the p..s, and with an exceptional bullshit meter to boot. I enjoyed this post grately, and I’m pretty sure that no Trump-voter would recognise the superior product he/she was eating, compared with the orange Kraft Ma’n’Cheese which made them what they are…

  • Hilarious. You’ve cheered me up no end this morning. Thanks.

  • Great post Conor! I love how you’ve managed to get humour from such a depressing subject. Not sure I fancy your chances in the pre-clearance section of Shannon airport though 😉
    Excellent recipe, bacon in Mac’n’cheese is essential.

  • This Californian prefers to make her own macaroni and cheese (although I never thought to add chives).

    As for the other part of the commentary, don’t get me started. I never wanted a chee-to in chief!

    • P.S. You omitted the obligatory frying piggy shot! Now *that* is in-American. 😉

  • Indeed, my fiance just exploded a packet of cheese powder all over our kitchen last night while making dinner for himself. Perhaps I should send him this recipe. Or perhaps that would merely lead to proper cheese explosions…

  • May I suggests nice Oregon wine to go with that delicious Mac n’ Cheese? And I agree with Marty, I sure missed seeing the pig fry in this. 😉

  • We have a lot of good Wisconsin cheese here that would probably be wonderful too. The ultimate comfort food and your humor has made me forget for a tiny time the awfulness of our situation over here.

  • LOL! You’ve outdone yourself again Conor, both with the dish and the commentary. Outstanding! Although I suppose it (he) is too easy a target to make fun of. I’ve never made mac’n’cheese and may have to rectify that situation.
    P.S. If you preheat the milk you can add it to the rue all at once and then whisk energetically, easier than adding it slowly.

  • Mac’n’cheese usually is not on my ‘to-do’ list, but loved the commentary which came along . . . Am so glad that fellow-readers saw the humour in your words . . . . bad sport that I am: I can see great writing but nought in the least amusing . . . ’tis sad to wake up in the morning to first click on ‘Latest Trump news’ in absolute horror . . . . Somehow don’t think I would get clearance at the Sydney Airport > US either . . . .

  • I’ll take that over the boxed, yeah quite orange, stuff any day.

  • Wicked, wicked, wicked 🙂 Conor – lovely recipe and as always I do like your photographs. But ….. the highlight for me on this Blog was your write-up – talk about “tongue-in-cheeks” – I was still chuckling hours later. Not comes my second BUT – I am not so keen on M/Cheese – bad reminder of British Public Schools :). Carina

  • T his is an incredible recipe…and I will admit that most Americans are a mess when it comes to cooking. They don’t even know that they CAN cook, (hence my blog; I make it easy.)
    I will say , in pathetic, (though not patriotic), defense…there are more ‘real’ mac and cheese recipes showing up online and in recent publications.
    Will they help? Something has to help us!
    Congratulations on your award, Conor.

  • Lovely recipe, I like the idea of using goat cheese, chives and bacon. Mac and Cheese should never purely be just noodles and cheese. Oh, and the writeup? I read it twice, just as funny the second time through! Need things to cheer me up… Gah…

  • Here’s to a fully funded cheese budget. Dark days indeed, what on earth. I just want it all to be over!

  • Made this recipe tonight for dinner. Didn’t have goat cheese so used a 7 yr aged white cheddar. Turned out great. Thanks for a recipe.

  • You are REALLY the Boss-man! The best food-blogger ever! Incredibly witty words, subtle satirical sentences, sinfully innocent recipes … only YOU can combine all these so effortlessly!

    You were born to blog, Sir! It’s a HUGE privilege to read your your posts, try your recipes.

    With love from the other side of the Wall, NUSRAT.

  • Really, really funny post. And that IS a fact. Good recipe, too. Thanks! –John

  • Exceptional writing, Conor, and a far more palatable post than many we see on the internet these days. On another note, I never would have thought of getting goaty with a Mac n Cheese. I want this immediately.

  • Thanks for making me chuckle over a subject which normally makes me either angry or “whiny.” I think you missed your chance to work “bigly” into the post, btw. And if any Americans are offended, well then maybe they should be. “If the shoe fits…” as my Grandma Irene used to say.

    But bacon AND goat cheese. Oh my…

      • I think I want to make the mac and assuage my fears by crawling into bed with the pan and no social media, news, papers or anything political and not come out for four years. Except to make more mac and have the occasional shower. It looks very comforting, creamy and delish!

  • You’re wrong about Americans having fallen to lower standards, Conor. Wrong! Americans have always loved mac-n-cheese out of a box. To imply that we once had a higher standard is, well, a nice thing to say, but doesn’t take into consideration Doritos and Little Debbie Snack Cakes. If we fell, it was long, long ago. Or maybe we were the alread-fallen that Europe purged because they could not abide our lack of discriminating tastes. However it came to be, food is one of the things that Americans have all wrong, hands-down. I’m an outlier amongst my people. I’m part of the resistance. I know where to get really good peri-peri chicken.

    As to that other American ugliness – the philistine who looks like a pumpkin emerging from a tanning bed – I consider him and his … I won’t use the word “ideals” … to be decidedly un-American. So do a narrow margin of my fellow citizens … the ones who are forced to make crème fraîche at home, because it’s not available in American grocery stores … the same ones who embrace è and î and go to incredible lengths to make their keyboards produce them, rather than to tell them to go back to wherever they came from. I’m convinced we will prevail.

      • I understand. If I were to repeat what I wrote in certain circumstances, I’d be labled as an elitist if not anti-American. I probably am an elitist. And, although I love being an American, it’s not because of the food they sell in gas stations on the turnpike. But yes, there are others like me, lurking in the shadows, popping out of nowhere to correct the seasoning in something, and then vanishing without a trace…

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