Wham Balm Thank You M’am!

(Barbecued Lemon Balm Chicken)

I’ve been reading up about click baiting. Facebook are having another go at putting the kibosh on the practice. I have some issues with the approach. I understand that they will not allow headlines that don’t directly relate to the  content following. I do accept that there is a need to prevent the “Ten things that rich people do that you don’t.” and “At last, a simple cure for your flatulence.” headlines. But, this line of reasoning will, ultimately, lead to writing with no creative content. Where the headline needs to relate directly to the following content and subject needs to be SEOed into the text, the ability to write around a subject, as I am doing now, becomes very difficult. 

I suspect when they see a headline like mine above and realise that the story is about chicken, they will ban me from their platforms. Then they will send a team of android ‘corectobots’ around to my house in a self driving car. I fear for my future. While I wait for them to get here, read a recipe for Lemon Balm Chicken (it’s what I’m writing about).

The “Thank You M’am” bit is in thanks to our friend Helen Wood who welcomed the Wife and I to the Keirmasi Gites, in the Dordogne, for our French holiday this year. Helen has a lovely lemon balm bush growing in her garden. It provided the balm of the title. 

Ingredients for Lemon Balm Chicken

• 1 great quality chicken
• 1 handful of fresh lemon balm
• 1 handful of fresh thyme
• Juice of a lemon
• 3 cloves of excellent garlic
• 1 good glug of olive oil
• Salt and pepper

To my mind, the best way to barbecue a chicken is to flatten it out so there is a reasonably thin surface area for the heat to permeate. This process is called spatchcocking. It sounds vaguely vulgar but, it isn’t. Simply stand the chicken on end, with the rude bit pointing upwards. Cut down either side of the backbone with a knife or large kitchen scissors.

This is a small enough bird. Plenty for two.

Place the chicken down, breast side up and press down  until it flattens. There will be some bone cracking involved in this (the chicken’s, not yours).

There is something pretty comedic about the unfortunate chicken.

Skewer the chicken through the leg, breast and wings. Chop up the garlic. Remove the thyme and lemon balm leaves from their stalks and throw the lot into a dish. Add salt and pepper to taste.

The lemon balm aroma is fantastic. You have to try this!

Pour in the glug of olive oil. Add the chicken and bast it with the marinade.

This is a fairly gratuitous raw chicken shot. I liked it.

Cover and store it in a cool place for a couple of hours, basting every 20 minutes or so.

Heat the barbecue. Cook the chicken. You can use a meat probe to test for doneness or you can trust to luck and experience as I did here.

This is the action shot. That barbecue was very hot indeed.

Carve the chicken. This will be easier as a result of the bone crunching spatchcocking.

It’s hard to avoid the blackened bits. However, the flavour of the chicken is divine.

Serve it with a nice fresh salad and some local sparkling Rosé, should you be in the local of a producer. 

A lovely sparkling Rosé added to the sense of occasion.

As for the art of creative writing, I hope that the Googles and Facebooks of this world either are very smart in what is considered to be on topic or we can face an online future of stifling predictability. Now, I have to go. I saw a great article, on something that I couldn’t believe what happened next, that I just have to read…