I cooked 5 spice pork with mango sauce – Scientists were shocked by what happened next. 

5 spice pork with mango (15 of 15)Despite the evidence, even scientists can’t agree on the shocking truth of this dish.  I devised this Five Spice Pork with Mango Sauce. I thought it was going to be a straightforward recipe. But, some stunning things happened, possibly making this into a superfood. You would think that a dish using so few ingredients might be a little light on flavour but, you will be amazed and even stunned by I am about to tell you. 

On a side note, I was reading up on how to get more traffic to my blog. I have decided to incorporate some of the more commonly used tricks of making you engage with this post. While I was planning this piece, something truly unbelievable happened. It all started out innocently enough. When I decided to write out the ingredients list, it nearly blew my mind.

Ingredients

  • 3 mangos
  • 2 pork tenderloins
  • 3 medium sized onions
  • 2 cm (1 inch) ginger root
  • 3 teaspoons of 5 spice powder
  • 1 red chilli
  • 1 handful of coriander (cilantro)
Mango and pork - Is it a combination that will damage your health? Read below.

Is it a combination that will damage your health? Read the shocking truth below.

The first thing to do is to remove the sinews and not-nice stuff from the tenderloins. Then slice them into centimetre wide medallions. Could centimetre wide slices be outside EU health regulations? Find out the spine-tingling truth.

Using a very sharp knife can lead to tragic results. Read on....

Using a very sharp knife can lead to tragic results. Read on….

Next I use ingredients that Russian scientists believe could be banned by the United States Food and Drug Administration.

Mango, if not approved, could be banned at a future date.

Mango, though currently approved, could be banned by the USFDA at a future date.

Slice the mango into slices (what else) and then chop it into chunks. Place half the chunks with a little water and the chilli (sliced open to get the flavour out) in to a saucepan. Reduce it to a pulp in the same way as click bait headlines reduce your will to live.

5 spice pork with mango (4 of 15)

I put a sliced chilli in the pot. Amazingly, nothing outrageous happened.

Slice the onions into nice big chunks.

5 spice pork with mango (5 of 15)

It took only three minutes to bring me to tears….

Remove the chilli, unless you want a hot, hot result. Blend the mango into a nice smooth sauce, adding the lime juice as you go. Read on to find out why Kim Kardashian never eats mango.

5 spice pork with mango (6 of 15)

I thought the taste would blown me away. I could not have been ready for what happened next….

Fry the onions, until soft, in a wok. Whoa! Another AMAZING part of the recipe is just about to blow your mind.

5 spice pork with mango (8 of 15)

Nobody expected this to happen when I tossed the pork in the five spice.

Toss the pork in the five spice. Amazingly, the spice clings to the meat! Rumour has it that senior Apple executives don’t want this simple secret revealed.

5 spice pork with mango (9 of 15)

Shocking trick that makes a pig change colour – Before your eyes!

Fry the pork in a little oil this will give a nice dry fried finish. The pork will turn a darker colour too! Add back the onions. Add the remaining mango chunks and stir to incorporate. Throw in the coriander (This multi-named transcontinental herb shocks Americans by being called cilantro.)

5 spice pork with mango (12 of 15)

Flavour shock sensation. He added the herbs and things got very aromatic.

Serve this sensation on some rice. Pour over the sauce. You might just believe what happened next….

5 spice pork with mango (14 of 15)

Could this be the best mango and pork dish ever?

Even though scientists may well agree and the FDA haven’t banned it, the EU are OK with the slices and I think I might have told a possible half truth about Kim K, this really is very, very tasty.

Give it a go. North Korean military leaders eat it regularly. Or so it says on the Internet.

 

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  • Snortworthy stuff, I now see where I am going wrong. Five spice, pork and coriander. A match made in heaven. Or should I say The Best Recipe Ever ….?

    • Hi Lisa,
      Those three really do go well together. No matter what scientists say.

  • I read your post while drinking tea. You’ll never believe what happened next. Yes, now I have to redecorate the kitchen.

    • Sorry about that. It’s my way of fending off the reality of where writing standards are going.

  • Very clever… and it worked… I have the pork, just need to get some mangos and try out this AMAZING experiment of yours 😉 (I’m such a geek that you got me with the science in the title)

    • That made me laugh Naomi. I think most had to read a paragraph or two to be properly hooked.

  • I can clearly see you are a man with an unnatural affinity to advertising hooks of the more sensational kind. Despite strenuously avoiding these things in real life, I was unable to resist your blandishments. Good job your flavours are similarly sensational, your ingredients simple and honest and you’ve made no tantalising promises in your sign-off… 🙂

    • I tend to stay away from them myself. Though I was caught by a recent “Python Eats Porcupine. Then the Unexpected Happened.” What occurred was not unexpected in any way. I hate that!

      • I hate the way that anything I look at seems to be peppered with hooks for “10 tips for a flat belly” or “Housewife discovers beauty secret that angers doctors”. What are they trying to tell me…?

        • If I told you what the ones I get served said, you would not believe your eyes. Or, “Irishman sees rubbish, Australian girl can’t believe what he sees!” or something like that…

  • “Using a very sharp knife can lead to tragic results. Read on….”. I always thought blunt knives are the worst.

    • True Sjaak,
      But that doesn’t make the sharp ones any safer.

  • Gone over to the Dark Side, have we. Timely. Love the dish though.

    • I will be back next week Ed. I promise.
      Hope all goes well with you.
      Conor

  • Yes, coriander is known as cilantro here in the States, a term much improved from the one I knew as a kid, “chinese parsley.” We’re making progress. 🙂

    • I kind of like the Chinese Parsley. I would have some fun with some of my Chinese friends with that.

      • Here’s another one for you… when I was a little girl, someone gave my father a “Fruit of the Month Club” subscription (this was the 1970s). I remember trying kiwi for the first time as well as pomegranates, which were labeled “Chinese Apples.”

  • Well done Conor, the finest click bait writing I’ve ever read! I have to admire how many references you got into one post, I thought I was on Facebook for a sec 🙂
    Recipe looks great as always but I’m going to have to read it back without laughing this time to try to take it in.

    • Thanks Donna,
      You are very kind. I did neglect to include the International Space Station and Age Reducing Serum. I will have to write a second.

  • Great recipe. Peter’s mango chachandu must be perfect with the pork. Will try this.

    • Excellent. It is really very simple and worth it. I hope Peter approves.

  • If you were to write like this all the time, I would surely disengage. But for this once, it’s a hoot. I’m sure my fellow passengers on the train must be wondering what is wrong with that guy who’s laughing hysterically at his phone… Some nice cooking as well. Excellent!

    • There is no way I could write this nonsense more than once. Though the pork and mango worked very well. That I could repeat.

  • Click bait. So that’s what it’s called. Clever of you – but please don’t do it again. Loved the recipe, but how much lime juice?

    • Once is more than enough. I used the juice of half a lime. I would try it and see as the sweetness of the mangos can vary a lot. Also, the amount of heat coming out of the chili has a bearing.

      I could have just said “Blog reader begs writer to desist. You won’t believe what happened next” But, I took pity on you.

  • Sold your soul to the devil Conor? Maybe you could buy it back with a serve of 5 spice pork with mango sauce….

  • Brilliant. And the recipe sounds great too.

    • Thank you. Amazingly, it was fun to write.

      • My favourite line was about Apple executives. I’m making this dish.

        • I enjoyed that one. My problem now is that I can see so many more that I missed!

  • I was absolutely shocked by what I read in this post! I am not sure what to think! OMG hide the knives! (Conor your humor never fails to amuse me….) 😉

    • Thanks Kathryn. I had some Visitors from Portland, Oregon here over the past few days. It rained and rained. They felt at home. Is it always wet in that quarter?

      • Yes, the Portland area is a very wet climate. Although I am in the Pacific Northwest only a few hours from that city, my little town sits over the mountains in the high desert and we have a much drier (and colder) climate.

  • Funny

  • Nicely done! This is the recipe that Giada doesn’t want you to know about!

  • I see your clickbait and raise you a Vine of a baby laughing at a dog startled by a retro toy from 1989 to the sound of a beauty blogger with acne singing a cover version of a song written by Ed Sheeran for One Direction. How am I doing?

    On a side note, this is one of my favourite posts of the year.

    • I did watch a video of a dog standing on a remote control vacuum cleaner, looking glum and being moved around the kitchen, if that counts for anything? The Interweb enriches my life!

      ps: Thanks for the kind words but I really feel the “one of” takes the edge off the compliment.

      • Yes. I was having rather an equivocal episode yesterday. I should have said one of my favourite posts of yours. However, I’ve just had a glass of port and am now in a position to confirm that it is in fact my absolute favourite. You’re welcome.

  • Someone gave you a one star! No sense of humor! I give a five star to any post that makes me snort out loud and just about pee my pants, but if memory serves, these simple herbs and spices are an amazing cure for urinary issues and mango is a superfood guaranteed to boost your brain power. I can’t remember for sure. I have to have some mango before I can finish…this…what? Where was I?

    Anyway, your money back if you’re not satisfied.

    The pork, the mango – everything looks so mouth watering!

    • I like the idea of the brain power boost. That would make me read any clickbaited drivel.

  • A great post, Conor. I found it so amusing that I quit reading an article with pictures of a naked Justin Bieber riding his hover board.

    You’re welcome.

    • I’m getting a visual! Arrrrrrggggghhhh!

      • It’s a small price to pay for the huge amount of traffic you’re about to receive.

        • I think I’ll become a ‘recipe’ only blogger. This is causing too much stress!

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