Thrice Beaten Mayonnaise

No, it’s not a new, fancy style of dressing for your summer salads. It’s not a gourmet delight and it’s not a high point in my culinary development. It breaks all the rules of physics in that there is three times more ingredients go into the dish than there are in the end result. Yes, it’s my Thrice Beaten Mayonnaise. 

To reproduce this the way I did it, you will need:

• 6 eggs
• 750 ml of sunflower oil
• 25 ml of olive oil
• Juice of quarter of a lemon
• A little water
• 3 large pinches of salt
• English mustard powder

First thing, separate two of the eggs, reserving the whites to feed to the dog. The whites are good for her coat, I believe. Put the egg yolks, one pinch of salt and some mustard powder in the food processor.

This is so easy to do. Every recipe says so…

Process them. Then add one-third of the oil, a little at a time.

What could possibly go wrong?

When the mixture turns into a gloopy, oily mess, pour it down the sink. Place the food processor in the dishwasher.

Separate two more of the eggs, reserving the whites to make meringues. Four whites are not good for a small dog with a nice coat. Next, take out the blender attachment. Put the egg yolks, one pinch of salt and some mustard powder in the blender.

Second attempt. The blender will do a better job, for sure…

Blend them. Then add one-third of the oil, a little at a time.

A growing respect for the people over at Hellman’s…

When the mixture turns into a gloopy, oily mess, pour it down the sink. Place the blender alongside the food processor in the dishwasher.

Separate the last two eggs. I hope you like meringues. Four whites will make plenty.

At least I got one lovely shot of the egg yolks. I like this one.

Next, take out a mixing bowl and a hand whisk. Put the egg yolks and one pinch of salt in the bowl. Whip them until they are blended.

I think we are on the right track this time.

Then add one-third of the oil, a little at a time, whisking like a mad thing.

At this stage, my pride overcame the cramps in my arm. KEEP BEATING!

The mayonnaise will start to form. As it thickens, add a little lemon juice to thin the mayo and stop the pain in your mixing arm.

Perfect mayonnaise. What could be simpler to make?

When the mixture gets thin enough, add a little of the olive oil, whisking until you are happy with the result.

Add the mayonnaise and some chives to some chopped, cold potatoes and you will have a delicious potato salad.

The first of this year’s chive crop (all of this year’s chive crop)

Enjoy it with some other nice stuff while you wait for the meringues…

We had it with some hot smoked salmon, lambs lettuce, cucumber and tomatoes. Delicious.