Naked bald man in fried fish fillet fiasco!

Shocked neighbour calls for fishing ban
Local residents were left stunned when multi-award winning food blogger and known bald man Conor Bofin prepared fish fillets while rumoured to be entirely naked. One neighbour, who did not want to be identified, fearing  possible reprisal, said “It’s this sort of thing that is bringing the neighbourhood down. Property prices have been falling in recent years and we now have very little to talk about at drinks parties. If fishing were to be banned, this would not happen.” she complained. “I’ve heard that he wears absolutely nothing under his clothes.” the distraught woman added.

Health Officials Powerless to Act
Recently, rumours of a fried fish farce reached this journalist and I had to investigate. On arrival in the area, my suspicions were confirmed by a neighbourhood source. My contact who flatly refused to be named said “I think that he is frying fish at night. He is even feeding it to his children”. Due to insufficient legislation in the area, officials from the Department of the Environment claim to be powerless to act. “There is very little we can do. He is operating entirely within the law.” blurted one shocked  civil service contact when questioned by this journalist.

A legal supply in Ireland and around the world allows this activity to go uchecked. Governments refuse to act.

Regular User
We dug deeper into this story. His supplier, rumoured to wholesale and retail in the South Dublin area, and also believed to be known to the authorities, flatly refused to speak, either on or off the record. “I only sell it to him. There is very little I can add. What he does with it is his own business. Though I do believe he is a regular user.”

Shadowy Figure All at Sea
We went undercover and traced the supply back to source. Our investigation brought us almost face to face with an elusive shadowy figure, the Mr. Big in supply circles known as The Fisherman. He is known to bring supplies into port, landing under the cover of darkness. Our efforts to contact him were left all at sea. Known associates in portside locations would only say he was “…out fishing.”

Bob the Seal

One portside contact known as “Bob” refused to confirm or deny the existence of “The Fisherman”.

Revenue Cover Up?
The Revenue Commissioners refused to comment when confronted with the facts. “We do not comment on specific cases. We don’t even confirm that there is or is not a case, when there is a case or even if there is no case. If he is naked, he should cover up.” commented a clearly shocked former high ranking Revenue official, speaking strictly off the record.

Three men in a boat. Innocent sailors or undercover Revenue Officials investigating? You decide.

If you can’t stand the heat – take your clothes off
This journalist finally got to talk to the reportedly rumoured to be naked fish fryer. Dressed casually and speaking mildly and calmly, he openly admitted “If I get too warm, I will often remove my sweater”.

Shocking three step process
This stunned reporter then listened to a blatant three step approach to frying a piece of fish. Without any hesitation he said “Write this down for your story. I want the world to know how easy it is:
Dust the fish with seasoned flour.
Fry it in clarified butter.
Serve it with vegetables.”

“What about the neighbours?” I demanded. He flatly refused to be drawn as he quietly ate the fish.

Shock tactics employed by adding a lemon slice rumoured to be for colour and flavour.

Two bits of background:  A debate that has been stewing for a while. Should Bloggers be held to the same standards as journalists? There is some good stuff on both sides of the argument here.

Background bit two comes from a debate that was raging in the office about traffic generation. One of our web strategists holds that if you want traffic, you need to be tabloid in your approach.

With both of these in mind, this post is written to the standard of a lot of the professional journalism we see here in Ireland. It’s not as easy to right (or is it write) this crud as it is to read.

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Latest comments
  • Good advice! From now on, The Viking and I will travel naked 🙂

    • Not if you are traveling over here. Very cold today!

  • Hmmmmm…I like the naked approach to food but that’s the food, not me. In the buff frying with all the grease splattering just to increase traffic on the blog…I think I will stick to writing whatever it is I write while cooking whatever comes to mind and not having to worry about the naughty bits. 😉

    • Hi Richard,
      Rumoured to be naked… Don’t believe everything you read.

  • I zipped through the post. Maybe your web strategist has a point. Nice title, a haha.

  • Very good. Loved it.

  • You’ll definitely have to try harder if you want to sink to the depths that the media in Scotland have sunk to, with plummeting sales and readership as a result. On the other hand our informative, investigative online bloggers are increasing their readership dramatically. The internet changes everything.

    • You are so right. A little bit of history in the making.

  • Excellent spoof on tabloid journalism. Looks like some excellent pieces of fish, too.

  • Love this post :-). Both the satire and the food!

  • It’s far too cold here, but bring on the fish!

    • You are probably right MD. Pretty cool here too.

  • My first thought was that sounds like a recipe for some very uncomfortable burns

    • It would have been, had there been any truth in it!

  • Great post from a very talented writer! Thanks Conor!

    • Thanks Barb, I was just having a bit of fun at other’s expense. Shameful but fun all the same.

  • You have the most wonderful sense of humor…I had tears in eyes from laughing.

  • I tend to write any old crap that comes into my head. The Daily Mail has been knocking at my door looking to employ my services for years.

    • The most popular website in the UK, I believe. Sad but true.

      • it really is, and also in the US where it out-does the New York Times apparently – they even have a section for the US – you know the Kardashians are big news.

  • Brilliant :)) Fish not too bad either…

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