Shocked neighbour calls for fishing ban
Local residents were left stunned when multi-award winning food blogger and known bald man Conor Bofin prepared fish fillets while rumoured to be entirely naked. One neighbour, who did not want to be identified, fearing possible reprisal, said “It’s this sort of thing that is bringing the neighbourhood down. Property prices have been falling in recent years and we now have very little to talk about at drinks parties. If fishing were to be banned, this would not happen.” she complained. “I’ve heard that he wears absolutely nothing under his clothes.” the distraught woman added.
Health Officials Powerless to Act
Recently, rumours of a fried fish farce reached this journalist and I had to investigate. On arrival in the area, my suspicions were confirmed by a neighbourhood source. My contact who flatly refused to be named said “I think that he is frying fish at night. He is even feeding it to his children”. Due to insufficient legislation in the area, officials from the Department of the Environment claim to be powerless to act. “There is very little we can do. He is operating entirely within the law.” blurted one shocked civil service contact when questioned by this journalist.
We dug deeper into this story. His supplier, rumoured to wholesale and retail in the South Dublin area, and also believed to be known to the authorities, flatly refused to speak, either on or off the record. “I only sell it to him. There is very little I can add. What he does with it is his own business. Though I do believe he is a regular user.”
Shadowy Figure All at Sea
We went undercover and traced the supply back to source. Our investigation brought us almost face to face with an elusive shadowy figure, the Mr. Big in supply circles known as The Fisherman. He is known to bring supplies into port, landing under the cover of darkness. Our efforts to contact him were left all at sea. Known associates in portside locations would only say he was “…out fishing.”
Revenue Cover Up?
The Revenue Commissioners refused to comment when confronted with the facts. “We do not comment on specific cases. We don’t even confirm that there is or is not a case, when there is a case or even if there is no case. If he is naked, he should cover up.” commented a clearly shocked former high ranking Revenue official, speaking strictly off the record.
If you can’t stand the heat – take your clothes off
This journalist finally got to talk to the reportedly rumoured to be naked fish fryer. Dressed casually and speaking mildly and calmly, he openly admitted “If I get too warm, I will often remove my sweater”.
Shocking three step process
This stunned reporter then listened to a blatant three step approach to frying a piece of fish. Without any hesitation he said “Write this down for your story. I want the world to know how easy it is:
Dust the fish with seasoned flour.
Fry it in clarified butter.
Serve it with vegetables.”
“What about the neighbours?” I demanded. He flatly refused to be drawn as he quietly ate the fish.
Two bits of background: A debate that has been stewing for a while. Should Bloggers be held to the same standards as journalists? There is some good stuff on both sides of the argument here.
Background bit two comes from a debate that was raging in the office about traffic generation. One of our web strategists holds that if you want traffic, you need to be tabloid in your approach.
With both of these in mind, this post is written to the standard of a lot of the professional journalism we see here in Ireland. It’s not as easy to right (or is it write) this crud as it is to read.