What would Don Draper have done?

In our advertising agency business we try to maintain reasonably high ethical standards. We like to get paid for what we do. We like to pay our business partners in a timely fashion and we don’t expect any special treatment. We don’t approve of inducements.

For you fans of Don Draper in Mad Men, please note that he is showing how it was back in the 50s and 60s not how it is today. I know this because I was around for the tail end of all that. It was a daft business back then. Standards were not what they are today.

Speaking of ethical standards, the Wicklow Hunter, who is a friend and also a supplier to our business, left me in a gift recently. I came in to my office and saw the present sitting on my desk. I could not accept this. Ireland is in a recession. We all need the work but this was going too far.

The offending gift. He had gone too far this time. I had to remonstrate with him…

I did not want to damage our friendship but a case of Chateau Les Arromans De Garde 2009 is just a bit over the top. I reached for the phone….

Now, the Wicklow Hunter, like so many sons of that county is a plain speaking man. When I told him of my issues with his gift, he just laughed, called me something unrepeatable and said;

“Have you looked inside?”.

“No” I said “I was afraid to touch it.”

“Open it.” he said.

“I can’t” I said.

“Open it” he repeated (slightly too forcefully for my tastes).

I did…

In the case I discovered not the expected half-dozen bottles of Bordeaux’s finest but a dozen eggs and some mushrooms growing in soil in the wine box.

Pretty embarrassing stuff. Mind you, I could have done with the drink by the time the call was over.

“I thought you would be interested in the home-grown mushrooms.” he said in a tone of some hurt. “We can’t keep up with the fecking chickens. Somebody has to take the eggs. I thought you could cook something nice and use it in your food blog.”

I promptly dismounted the high horse of moral rectitude. Through my rising embarrassment I fumbled a “thank you” and apologised to the WH, hung up the phone and put my head in my hands. So much for ethical standards.

He later explained how easy it is to grow mushrooms in the attic. I’ll have to give it a go. I don’t think the WH will be dropping any more ‘gifts’ into the office.

That evening, I went home and quietly prepared a Home Grown Mushroom Omelette for the Wife and myself. I haven’t told this story to many. I really am a bit embarrassed. Keep it to yourself.

 Now, here’s what you will need

• A relationship with somebody who keeps free range chickens in his garden.
• A relationship with somebody who grows mushrooms in his attic.
  (Neither of which I have any more.)
• Some chives.
  (I have them growing outside my back door.)
• Salt, pepper and oil or butter for frying.

Do I really have to tell you how to make an omelette? If I do, you should be as embarrassed as I was on opening the case.